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Ginger Grapefruit

by Kevin Dickerson

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1.
Twitch 09:41
I walked down the street to the train talkin’ to Skip about amplifiers again I need something with more power to carry these low notes but we had to cut it short because of the noise from the wind blowing into my phone He worked on my old Vibrolux I thought it was from ’65 but it’s from ‘66 He fixed up that old ’61 Epiphone 5-watt Pacemaker I used to record Tinderbox I think it was only two people who listened to it in the weeks after the Ghost Ship fire when no one knew who I was It was the first thing I released, and I still can’t figure out how to put music on my phone I want to listen to Sunburst on the street with my headphones and my battery already says it’s low Had lunch at home today too many calls to the insurance people beans and rice and chard on tortillas from La Palma and salsa I need to make sure the wet walls are taken care of They're saying we got water damage in the ceiling due to negligence and I somehow got a bruise on the heel of my left foot My eyelid twitches twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch I thought I was getting enough rest I don’t know if this twitch in my eyelid will ever go away It’s been two months and I’ve been taking my B12 vitamin D and I haven’t had any coffee in three days I’ve been sticking to my physical therapy exercise schedule and I'm slowly getting stronger although I’m aching after standing up too long I got a ticket from Jon from the War On Drugs I was Beau’s Plus-One again, this time at the Fox those guys sounded like they were under mud The neighborhood is completely different than it used to be don’t recognize anyone at Make Westing no more nobody recognizes me on the street on the street no more everyone was white—not just in the theater there was an ice cream shop open at 8:30pm on the corner Ran into Meric at the box office I didn’t tell him how much I liked his drummer's drumming Or that I like his albums they’re really something I bet all the new residents of uptown Oakland like his albums too I stood next to an attractive blonde during the show she told me about her two grown kids and that she was a soccer coach I could tell she was getting irritated like, I’m on a clock, this conversation isn’t going anywhere and twenty minutes into the set she left and went upstairs and we all made fun of the crowd everyone was nine feet tall and looked like they worked out way too much and I couldn’t see all of Adam’s different guitars So I left upstairs and the guy next to Meric had a seizure and collapsed The guy got up and got another beer Jon’s saxophone playing is amazing and haunting I love the sound I told him let’s talk about working together if you work hard you will succeed if you show others your enthusiasm people will believe in you and get into it stayed up ’til three looking at synthesizers just four guys with no beers sipping on water talking about tools for making beautiful music me and Beau and Jon and Nate plugging in cables late to modular synthesizers One of my friends overcame a severely difficult period of time in her life this year and has now overcome it she used to live in West Oakland and like so many others had to leave the Bay Area and now she’s now travels to an office downtown a few times a month In this newly renovated office building in the molten core of technology away from the horrible working conditions that triggered her She got the help she needed to get through her problems and I’m proud of her for getting through it she gave me a purple shirt, the logo said “TWITCH” on it The kombucha’s on tap The beer’s on tape They've got cold brew on tap, too My fingernails go tap tap tap on the table talking details with the insurance people tap tap tap my eyelid goes twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch It’s all gonna work out I just gotta get more sleep Got done with the gym huffing and puffing and sweaty in my sweaty black track jacket there was a woman in the elevator at the gym I noticed she had the exact same model surgical post-op boot on her right foot I said “I had the exact same model boot on my right foot too” she said “how long’d you have it?” I said, "six weeks" but I didn’t remember which time it was that I had that exact model boot was it surgery number three or number four, I can’t remember was it surgery number three or number four, I can’t remember and now it’s night time in my house and I don’t feel like picking up Cortéz and Moctezuma and I can’t find "Waging Heavy Peace" so guess I’ll just go to sleep and I can’t find "Waging Heavy Peace" so guess I’ll just go to sleep I’m gonna climb into these clean sheets
2.
Roma 05:37
Josh texted me at 9:45am, “Anchorage earthquake” I figured everything was fine, and not to spoil the suspense but yes everything’s okay Saw a band the other night In the middle of the set I thought man this is loud I don’t remember feeling so uncomfortable during a set like that Everyone around me was rocking along and jamming out Some relief for the fires came that night in the form of pouring rain The sound woke me up in that night, the sky looked just like a Renaissance painting From Portugal or Spain It reminded me of my trips to Europe Going to the Prado and the Reina Sofía I never saw skies like that before, not in Alaska and not in New York or Texas or British Columbia Or Pennsylvania or Florida or New Jersey or Oregon or Washington or Mexico Or Ontario or Nova Scotia or West Virginia or Ohio or France or El Salvador or Panama or California These beautiful renaissance painting skies I thought were an exaggeration of reality But guys like Vasconcelos got that right, that’s why they called them the masters of renaissance painting These massive orange clouds and beautiful sun rays blanket the pastoral earth as day transitions into night The smoke choked the city and everyone was walking around with white masks on Everything ground to a halt until these cooling rains started coming down And now there’s landslides and who knows what else, other crazy shit to deal with But all the devastation and tallying loss of life is still ongoing so I’ll put that one aside for a minute Portugal had recently dealt with deadly fires on that New Year’s visit at the beginning of 2018 I came to feel that Lisbon is San Francisco’s Atlantic twin From the three-quarter-sized doors to the miniature train cars, they even built a bridge designed by the Golden Gate architect guy I have a lot of affection for that place and its people Maybe we could learn something from them about their recovery Hung out with my photographer friend Katie in Oakland the other day She took some pictures for the Internet Packed up my kitchen things, my glassware and plates Things aren’t gonna be back to normal until after the fucking holidays Reading the Reuters British News Service, the world is going to hell But there’s no surprises there so I’m gonna watch Netflix on my couch And watch Alfonso Cuarón’s masterpiece, “Roma” Which takes place in the neighborhood where several of my friends were born The symbolism of rebirth and fire versus water is a very old Mexican motif My girlfriend asked me how do I know so much about the subject, I said what do you think I’ve been so busy with? And now it’s Christmas eve and we’re gonna get together and eat at Shalimar for dinner I walked down the wet streets and through the piles the wet leaves That had gathered on the sidewalk dips and the cracks I wondered when the next time would be that I would spend in the Roma neighborhood I remember carrying my guitar on those rainy streets Up the art deco staircase to my rented apartment, making lunch and taking naps Until the cold summer rains of Mexico City and lightning strikes woke me up with their rolling thunder claps
3.
I kissed my girlfriend goodnight and went off to sleep Four or five hours later she woke me up to get ready to to go Monte Rio She’s gotta get up there early because our friend Christine Has to be available in person for the Comcast guy The fires disconnected some wires and her internet went down And there’s no cell service up there otherwise She took off and I fell back asleep for a few more hours Before today’s session with Maryam I woke up with the morning light and the magnolia tree leaves cast beautiful shadows on the curtains in my bay window I watched them shimmer and move for a while Oh, it’s nice to be home On this windy September morning I had leftover pizza for breakfast I'm sitting on the couch Studying some Spanish vocabulary words Gonna finish a song today I don’t know what it’s gonna be called yet Maybe I’m gonna call it Twitch It’s got themes of gentrification and mental health And some other cool notions Some of the founding fathers were racist, The papers say A startling revelation I’m sure for some Many of us only know what we’re told I remember in elementary school feeling creeped out Every time we stood at our desks as our patriotic national anthem Was sung and drilled into our heads The words of an evil man who called black Americans “a distinct and inferior race of people” Oh, it’s nice to be home This windy September morning Maybe I’ll make some tea today Went to see John Zorn with Laurie Anderson and Terry Riley the other day Brought my girlfriend to the show She said it was quote-unquote “interesting” I took a picture of the marquee outside with my cell phone Like Sami said, it’s good to not forget how lucky we are To live where we live and have venues like this That host good music That bring music for Coachella girls dance to And brings experimental music by a saxophone guy making all kinds of crazy hoots and blasts John Zorn played a single blast for like six minutes I felt so lucky to see three incredible influences together in the same room on the same stage Oh, it’s nice to be home This windy September morning My single ticket to Thurston Moore is on my fridge for Wednesday Maybe someday I too can collaborate with some talented musicians Until then I’m going to keep taking pictures outside With my old cameras and I’m gonna keep working
4.
I am thankful for you And your many many gifts you have given me Like this organic Ginger-grapefruit–scented deodorant that glides on so easily No doubt in my mind This is the finest deodorant I’ve ever had in my life And the packaging is very nice And I’m grateful to you Sometimes I’m like yeah, I had a good week, it’s easy being me And other times I don’t feel so much Like getting out of our warm sheets to face the cold of the city streets I’m sorry if I’ve been preoccupied With my music my night classes or my day job I know you’ll be there to care for me And I'll be there to care for you eventually It’s not easy being me I know I make it look easy But it’s not easy I have had many difficulties Like so many others do But unlike them I can depend on you I am thankful for you And your many many gifts to me Like your unconditional support and for your patience Like when I need rest after hobbling around on European cobblestone streets Or your morning smiles Your kindness radiates for those lucky enough to receive it Even when I smell horrible after a 13 hour day or a 14 hour day Pushing through the crowds of 30-somethings in the Financial District Wearing Financial District costumes can wear me down Another friend took his wife and his young daughter And moved out of town I hired a young Korean guy to clean my old Subaru It’s the first car I’ve owned since 2006 and And it’s 18 years old and has a rebuilt engine The guy did a shitty job at first but came back and fixed it the next week He put the work into it If we were all more tolerant and forgiving the world would be a better place Time is a river that is flowing You’re here with me and I am grateful People are talking about impeachment out their ass and no one knows what’s going on John McCain died of glioblastoma yesterday afternoon He made my life hell by nominating Sarah Palin People kept asking me the most absurd questions (Is it 24 hours of darkness all the time?) (How is Alaska so cold if it’s off the coast of Texas) (Have you ever seen that zombie movie?) (Is Alaska really big?) (Do you know Sarah?) (Are bears really dangerous?) (Have you ever seen a bear?) (I heard the summers are really bright, how do you sleep?) (Do you get depressed because it’s dark all the time?) (You must eat fish every day) (Are you an eskimo?) Are you an Alaska Native? Is it dark all year long? Do you ride dogsleds to school? Are there any black people in Alaska? What are you? Did you ever see penguins? Are there just polar bears walking around? But I have to respect him, he took a risk I don’t care much for politicians But he raised awareness for a disease my mother died from Maybe someone will live a better life because of him Anyway yeah there’s a lot Going on in the world Just like always That’ll never change I personally kind of like having a lot going on Even if if we’re not always on the same page Like I said, I am thankful for you Eternally
5.
Imbalances 15:21
Everyone’s sick around me and I’m starting to get a cold I don’t know why people want to hang out when they’re sick, it’s very American No one wants to get sick after someone sits next to you on a couch and sneezes and coughs without even trying to cover their mouth Maybe I’m not getting sick and it’s allergies or because there is a significant amount of mold in my house The mold is there because someone made a mistake and was afraid to property mitigate a water-damage-related problem Maybe they were afraid that they might lose their job or not get a raise they needed or cause unnecessary pain or admit they caused it Some heroes are dying and are now permanent modern gods like David Robert Jones aka Davie Bowie Some heroes are fallen and remain alive after being exposed as manipulative serial assaulters like “BC” Bill Cosby always gave me weird vibes with his authoritarian father figure posturing I’ve had a disdain for authority my entire life and many adults around me always creeped me the fuck out If you are a pastor and have a fondness for children and dress like a clown it’s fucking creepy There’s no reason to put on makeup and dress in a costume to befriend children in two thousand fucking eighteen You may encounter people who will try to mold you into their version of what they want you to be instead of the best version of who you want to be To me such people are scared and fearful and don’t want to lose status in their society If you put on your resume that you liked drugging people with Methaqualone in hotel rooms I don’t know that you would get many hits on your C.V. I have to admit I never watched the standup of or listened to the comedy records of Bill Cosby Three-to-ten years seems like not enough time in prison for the large number of lives BC damaged permanently and sixty-nine years on this planet is far too short to be granted to the modern god David Bowie by this universe There are two men in my apartment right now cutting up walls with power tools I had time to cook breakfast this morning but I left for lunch to St. Francis because of the dust and the noise I have some phone calls this afternoon to talk about Art History I can’t remember it quite right but I think I remember someone was talking about Luaka Bop the other day It’s bothering me that I can’t remember the conversation but that irritating itch in my brain Made me think of a man who taught me about Mexican Muralism His name is Greg Landau and I believe David Byrne asked him to help with Luaka Bop in the 80s or 90s He worked with people like Los Lobos and Quetzal and Carlos Santana and now works in Film Industry His father was a filmmaker and documented Fidel Castro and he’s somehow been an influence on my life I wish I could talk about music with him but our relationship isn’t at that place Our conversations have so far strictly about art and history and art history given our busy schedules Although once he led me to Estudio 19 in Mexico City Now I’m studying more artists, this time with a focus on modern aspects And I just got off the phone with a professor of art history and she said what I am doing is on the cutting edge One of the contractors cutting holes in my walls with power tools is now singing And I can hear the two of them talking in Spanish about what they want to eat for lunch it’s an important conversation The breakfast I cooked this morning was more or less Mexican in nature and involved tortillas and habaneros And I wasn’t expecting two guys to come into my apartment at the precise moment I was taking a bite out of a blue corn taco I had a moment of insecurity where I wondered if they were like what’s this overweight white guy doing eating tacos with ancho chile salsa for breakfast Standing up this old Victorian’s kitchen wearing sweatpants and a Spiritualized sweatshirt Now my nose is sniffling and my throat is hurting a little I did an hour of training yesterday and it got my heart rate up with high intensity intervals My trainer found a knot in my calf caused by my muscle imbalances and said my tendons felt crunchy and she didn’t know calves could sweat that much My pants are tight and I’m trying to trim down Eating lunch at St. Francis isn’t helping anything so I’d better cut that out The guy at the counter asked me where I’m from and I said it’s a long story I said I haven’t lived in San Francisco that long, I lived in Oakland before I said I’d rather not tell you where I’m from, you’ll find out in the next Marvel origin story movie But where I live now is warmer, I found the other neighborhoods too cold and too windy and too foggy He poured me water and asked me if I went to the Spiritualized show at the Fillmore I said yes, I got this sweatshirt at the merch booth—I had just a t-shirt, it was very cold and windy so I bought it We chatted for a minute and he said he was disappointed in the concert I was like the guy’s been doing the same thing for probably your entire life, didn’t you know what you were in for? My guess is Pitchfork gave the reissue of Ladies And Gentlemen we are Floating in Space a big fat 10 The guy saw the 10 and read the sentence “Spaceman is a modern god, and the cool kind of former drug addict” and bought tickets Well that modern god has exclusively sat in a chairs with sunglasses on facing away from the audience reading sheet music for thirty years, even when he was on heroin That’s why he hires very very very attractive backup vocalists This guy seemed to have adopted a Jason Schwartzman kind of vibe and he probably read a blog that said the Mission is one of the the coolest neighborhood in the States—5 stars /5 He’s probably getting down with all the hipster girls of the mission Who talk about being broke all the time and have thousand dollar tattoos I was practicing Spanish and my friend Emilio texted “can we listen to Rush” I texted back “yes” and that’s just what we did Got home last night just after nine pm My old friend Emilio came home late too he’s visiting and we stayed up catching up and listening to music I’ve got this twitch in my eyelid that I’ve been trying to get rid of cutting out coffee and getting enough sleep But my life isn’t conducive to stability or a regular sleep schedule and I think that’s just the way it is Last night I had a dream that I was writing more songs and performing on stage Another dream that will soon become reality I wrote the music in my head last night and I’m going to track it and put it down to tape In my dream I was playing my Spanish guitar but I think I’ll play the guitar Danny Ransom made me it’s new and cool and it’s faster to record electric and I don’t want to lose the ideas so I try to capture them quickly and in the moment I have to wait until Friday to record this next idea so maybe by then I’ll play it differently Maybe my mood will change by then and it’ll end up sounding slower or upbeat Maybe another rock and roll legend will die causes, or someone will win the lottery Maybe something else will make the news and it will inspire me to sing about it These are surprising times, like, at this moment I’m reading a lede in the New York Times with the words “Kavanaugh” and “gang raped” in the same sentence And it’s an actual part of an actual conversation about appointing someone who assaults women to the supreme court. Between tracking the first part of the vocals and this part the guy from Jefferson Airplane died last night Marty Balin, a patron of the 1960s “San Francisco Sound”  It’s a ‘mean drunk’ versus teenage girls It’s a ‘mean drunk’ versus teenage girls It’s a ‘mean drunk’ versus teenage girls It’s a ‘mean drunk’ versus teenage girls Let’s make the right choice and not appoint a scared little boy to the supreme court Let’s make the right choice and not appoint a scared little boy to the supreme court Let’s make the right choice and not appoint a scared little boy to the supreme court Let’s make the right choice and not appoint a scared little boy to the supreme court
6.
My friend Dan sent me a song about His kids and his dead brother He said I inspired him and he’s buying a house in Oregon with his beautiful wife and his growing number of kids
 He’s teaches mathematics to be precise topologies He gave me confidence when I was a young no one else believed in me we listened to vinyl and watched the Simpsons on repeat Took another trip to 15 Lafayette To talk to Gary about some new pickups I wanted to get For my blue guitar I picked up my new guitar from Danny the other day Between takes of singing Our Lips are Sealed It was worth the wait The clean lines are beautiful and the sound is from outer space I just need to consider what to play on it Now I’m working on something new I’ll put some words to this melody I just came up with in the studio today Live is never over, is it? You gotta make time for the things in life you love We gotta keep working We gotta keep working There’s much to do and we never know when our time is up Ran into Brian Belknap on the street Playin’ his old Gretsch resonator I bought his album In Lieu of Flowers, he played a song for me it sounded great Brian MC’d Aish and Andrew’s show the day before At the lost church He’s a good host and emphasized the lack of that kind of artist performance space these days He said my music had inspired him and it was refreshing to hear someone who has a voice of their own and isn't just rehashing tired old tropes I used to push my face to the window And stare at the patterns of frost in the glass Watching the snow fall from the spruce trees and the naked birch branches so silently Live is never over, is it? You gotta make time for the things in life you love I do my thing you do your thing Isn’t it easy? I could feel the moisture coming though the windows with my every breath pressed up to the frozen glass What do I do with my days? I stare at the hills and watch san francisco fog and mist, it’s good for my allergies No thanks, I’ll pass on the four-hour bacon restaurant horseshit money sink Avinash said I inspired him We’re gonna make music together He’s a good friend and a killer shredder Live is never over, is it? You gotta make time for the things in life you love Live is never over, is it? You gotta make time for the things in life you love Avinash said he hurt is knee Right before a marathon I said don’t worry my friend keep running there’ll be another one I said I’m scrunching towels with my toes stepping up onto a box and stepping off and moving my foot in circles clockwise and counterclockwise at my local gym I watch the clock Count the days and mark the seasons I wonder when issue two of Lyrics as Poetry’s gonna come in Here I am a year later after Parque México A summer later After I made a record with Maryam
7.
Friday March 1st, 2019 That fixer guy Cohen was on TV all day getting a grilling Yesterday while I was in here writing and strumming We discussed how Ryan Adams may be a Prisoner soon and about the news reports What a disappointment; R. Kelly went to McDonalds after an anonymous source paid his bail This Sunday Oprah Winfrey’s helping take the Michael Jackson legacy down on HBO I feel like I’ve been repeating myself over and over but I think it’s truly been raining nonstop for six months and although I can’t say this out loud I miss the drought I spent last week singing classics and doing my best impression of Willie on “Stardust” And wrapped up the “Lost and Strange Years” album with Sami Perez I still haven’t finished Cortez and Montezuma book It’s been on my nightstand for ages along with the Four Agreements If you haven’t seen Bill Hader in “Barry” do yourself a favor and watch it During a brief downtime I watched that and True Detective season 3 on my couch I’ve got my priorities straight and I can’t wait to share this music with you I’m wrapping up this session on Sunday and I’m still just getting started with this journey in music Phoebe Bridgers, I’m sorry I was fooled by the media reports You are talented musician and deserve the best success in this world Some days I feel like a fool, disappointed and let down Other days I can’t stop the words from coming out Phoebe Bridgers you are always welcome in San Francisco Anyway I’m sure this won’t be the end of the story There are only the beginning There are so rarely satisfying endings in life Most of us are doing the best we can, we never stop trying / we never stop trying The last weekend my friend’s father-in-law spent alive was in San Francisco He must have had his reasons but he hid his medical condition From his family in the OC He passed away unexpectedly from heart disease She came over and we had tea and she said She’s getting used to the taste of salad greens Another friend’s sister died of an overdose on a restaurant floor Her junkie boyfriend walked away from the hospital, these things happen daily My friend Christine celebrated seven years cancer-free I saw the old photo on Instagram and smiled seeing her smiling face Gonna fly to Oaxaca Gonna help pick out some bathroom tile Yes, I’m gonna go to the gym Gotta stick to my commitments to myself, in the end that’s all we’re left with Last night I walked down the street after my session Past a girl talking about how grateful she is for the people in her life to her friend I’m wrapping this album and was thinking about sequencing On Christmas Day I recorded Feliz Navidad with Maryam so here it is
8.
feliz navidad feliz navidad feliz navidad feliz navidad I wanna wish you a merry Christmas I wanna wish you a merry Christmas I wanna wish you a merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart

about

Released on Spotify, iTunes and other major streaming services December 13, 2019.
Master quality pre-orders and previews available at Bandcamp on September 20, 2019.

Ginger Grapefruit is Kevin Dickerson's fourth full-length album of original music. Ginger Grapefruit was written and recorded from August 4, 2018 – February 28, 2019, during yet another period of displacement following an accidental flood in March, 2018.

Kevin Dickerson's memoir-like approach to lyrical themes create an interconnected world that doubles down on experimentation and pushing the boundary of what it means to be a songwriter today. Some of the poetic themes contrasting across 60 minutes include more deaths from accidental narcotics overdoses in the age of the opioid epidemic, natural disasters (including a highway-splitting subarctic earthquake), wildfires, the inane inevitability of more American mass shootings, the movie Roma by director Alfonso Cuarón, the latest "overdose or heart attack death" of your latest celebrity hero (was it Daniel Johnston, David Berman, or someone else?), Mexican muralism, the unexpectedly touching story of receiving the gift of citrus-scented deodorant, displacement, the appointment of the abusive Brett Kavanaugh to the United States Supreme Court, feelings of longing for Mexico, admiration for the HBO series Barry, running into Meric Long (The Dodos) at a concert and relishing time spent with music, bathroom renovations, a loving cover of Puerto Rican songwriter José Feliciano's Feliz Navidad recorded on December 24th, 2018, and a blanket apology to Phoebe Bridgers for being unable to keep up with the truth. While many artists contrast the beauty of mundane life with the chaos, Kevin Dickerson's Ginger Grapefruit offers an inimitable and un-coverable personal take on life's daily complications in a way that has never sounded so beautiful.

credits

released December 13, 2019

All Songs Written by Kevin Dickerson except Feliz Navidad by José Feliciano
Recorded at Tiny Telephone and Women's Audio Mission in San Francisco, California
Album art by Kevin Dickerson

Engineered by Maryam Qudus
Mixed by Maryam Qudus
Produced by Maryam Qudus and Kevin Dickerson
Mastered by Jacob Winik

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Kevin Dickerson San Francisco, California

Kevin Dickerson is a songwriter who lives in San Francisco.

Follow @kevindickerson on Instagram

Photo: Katie Thyken

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